Here is the story of my (lack of) labor and delivery that started on Wednesday December 9th around 11 pm. I went in for my 38 week appt with Ginger at Dr Stokes office around 4:15 thinking that everything was going to be fine. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable and wanted him to come soon, Janelle volunteered to come along to the appointment to apply some pressure in order to get me induced. I am more reserved than Janelle and I would never think to ask any questions at these appointments and wold just go there, get weighed/checked and be on my way. My appointments usually only took about 10 to 15 minutes, sometimes less and consisted of no more than an average of 3 sentences spoken by me. Needless to say Janelle wanted Bowdy to come and she knew that is what I wanted also, so she came along with me to ask the questions I wouldn't dare to. About 10 minutes into the appointment Janelle took over explaining or elaborating ever symptom I had and when I would say they weren't that big of deal, or explain that they might be due to sleep deprivation, she would give me the eye. I think I was just trying to be tougher than I am. At that particular appointment I had high blood pressure and protein in my urine, which hadn't been the case at any of my other check ups, so the doctor seemed a little concerned, but said she wanted me to go to the hospital in the morning and do a 24 hr urine test. I said okay and we were almost on our way, when you know who said, "can we go to the hospital tonight instead of waiting till tomorrow, that would make us feel more comfortable." The doctor said sure, so off we were to St Joe's. Once we got there I called my mom and Clay to update them and told then it was no biggie, and we should be home shortly(about 1 hour). A 1 hour hospital visit turned into a six hour visit, but I still wasn't concerned. Janelle and I just hung out (I got her hooked on NCIS) and waited patiently for the nurses to tell us we could leave. Around 1130 the nurse came in and said that she was going to send me home and wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test, then about 5 minutes later she came back in and said that something wasn't adding up and she was going to order an alternator. I called my mom and Clay and said they should come in because i was getting an ultrasound. I was excited because Clay hadn't got to see any of my past ultrasounds so this would be the first time he could see our son.
The ultrasound tech said it would be quick, just a couple of minutes, but as she started to give me the ultrasound, I noticed she was taking a long time and what should have taken a few minutes turned in to a 15-20 minute ultrasound, I started to panic. Then she told me that my amniotic fluid was at a 2 and a 10 is normal with a 5 being dangerously low. I was very worried along with everyone else that was there. Dr Koch was oncall and he seemed worried, he called a Dr in San Francisco to see what he should do and then called the ultrasound tech back in to get some measurements of the baby. Due to the low fluid the tech could get any measurements so Dr. Koch decided to induce my labor using cervidal. About two hours into the induction the Dr told the nurses to remove the cervidal because the baby couldn't handle contractions. Ever contraction I would have cause Bowdy's heart rate to drop dramatically. It was now around 3 am and the oncall Dr and surgical team didn't want to do a c-section because they were tired and might not be able to preform at their optimal levels. At 8am Dr Ajamani came on and she asked if I wanted to try to be induced again or if I opted for a C-section, I chose a c-section because I didn't want to risk hurting Bowdy just to have a natural labor. The doctor said it would be about 3 or 4 hours before they could get me into surgery so I called Clay and told him the plan and that he didn't have to rush to the hospital because it would be a few hours. About 5 minutes later the Doc came in and said they had a slight change in plans and I would be ready for the c-section in about 10 minutes. Oh no I said, the father isn't even here and just about then I saw Clay walk by the window. As he walked through the door they were dressing him for surgery and had me walking down the hall to surgery. It took them about 10 minutes to get Bowdy out and about 1 hour to complete the whole c-section. When they took Bowdy out they briefly showed him to Clay and I and said that he was a tiny one, they guessed 5lbs. They rushed him to ICU along with Clay so they could check him out. After they weighed him the nursery called the OR and said he was 3lbs and 14 ounces. The doctors were shocked and asked why no one knew he was that small. Needless to say he did great outside the womb, passing most of the test they ran on him.
As the hour passed all I could do was lay in the hospital bed and wait for the medicine to wear off before I could get to see my little baby. This was so hard for me, everyone who was there took pictures to show me him, but I wanted to see him for myself. I finally had enough energy to get out of bed, get into a wheelchair and go see him in the ICU. This is when I lost it, I saw him all hooked up to wires and an IV and was so upset that I couldn't help him. All I could think about was how I was responsible for him laying there. How could I not have known something was wrong, I felt horrible, I sat there and bawled. After a couple minutes of holding the little guy I went back to my room extremely emotional. The next few days were just a blur, I was recovering and didn't get to see my baby often, Clay was too sick to hold him... It felt like I had a child, but I had no connection with him, did he even know who his parents were?
On Sunday night I got discharged from the hospital, but there was no way I could leave my child there alone so the hospital staff allowed up to stay in our room until they got busy. This was so nice because it allowed me to go into the nursery and hold/feed him every three hours, I don't know what I would have done it I have to stay home and not be with him. On Monday I tried to go home and get some rest and I told the nurses to just feed him at 11 and I would be back to do the rest of the feedings. When I got home I was okay for about 1 hour, then I got emotional again and couldn't believe I left him. My dad had to take me back to the hospital.
I could write a novel on the time spent at the hospital, but honestly it makes me tear up thinking about everything that happened in the last two weeks. I know that what my child went through doesn't even hold a candle to what other parents go through with their kids, but when something happens to your child and your not sure if they will be okay, it seems like the biggest heartache that can happen. Now looking back on the past two weeks I can say now the one thing that got my through this (besides my family) is trusting the God had a plan for Bowdy and no matter how much I wanted him to eat and come home, God had a plan for him. After a week long emotional roller coaster ride, we went to church to watch Cole in the Christmas program, then the Pastor gave his message. One thing he talked about was that God has a plan for everyone--- after this message I prayed and told God I would trust him to take care of Bowdy and I would rely on him to heal Bowdy. After church I went back to the hospital, were the nurse made me nurse him. I was frustrated, because he hadn't been successful at nursing and that would set us back if he ended up getting tube fed because he wouldn't nurse. I just closed my eyes and prayed. The feeding wasn't successful, but that was the last unsuccessful feeding we had. From that time forward, Bowdy excelled, eating all by himself for the next 48 hours and we were able to come home! Trust the lord, because you can't do anything without him!
So we are home now and after 1 successful night on our own my nerves have calmed and I know that we are going to adjust to having a little newborn quickly! We have had lots of fun talking, smiling, and playing with him!
What a wonderful story to share with us all! It made me tear up as you made everything so detailed, like we were all there with you. I will never forget when I saw you hold him for the first time, we were all crying as you held him in your arms. It was a magical moment between a mother and her child that I will never forget! love you Monica
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